My Melancholy

In the moments of my melancholy

Every happiness is lost

And every memory of better times

Fades into darkness

In the moment of my melancholy

I lose all knowledge of your love

In the moment of my melancholy

You don’t love me, I am sad and alone

I believe this with all my heart

In the moment of my melancholy

It won’t matter that a moment before

I was happy or that a moment later

I will be happy again

In the moment of my melancholy

Everything is black and sad

And you are the artist who has made it so

It is in the moment of my melancholy

That I plot revenge against you

For ills real or imagined

It is in the moments of my melancholy

That I plot to hurt you

Even though when I hurt you

I hurt myself too

It is the moments of my melancholy

That kill our love

It is the moments of my melancholy

That I need you to save me from

Wake Up From Love

Wake up from love and see the signs

You likely were dancing all alone

Wake up from love, the dream is gone

In reality you’re on your own.

The birds that sang so sweetly

When love was love

Lie dead now, under the sand.

The flowers that filled the air with scent

And made the kisses taste so sweet

Lie wilted on the ground

Wake up, love is not love

Love is the yen for what cannot be

What has never been

No two people were ever one

No two separate wholes ever became  

Halves of one perfect whole

Love is an illusion, the greatest delusion

To ever afflict the mind of man

I Count

‘Make me count’ I said

‘No’ They replied when they heard me at all

Or listened. ‘Make me count’ I said

They didn’t

I do not count, not to them

Who cares about a single drop of water

When there are many oceans

I am only a drop of water I do not count

Even though it is drops like me who make the ocean

‘The ocean’ they say ‘Where would the ocean go?’

Even the ocean, like me, does not count to them

What counts? The money stored

In countless accounts in Switzerland

And other such places. The money with which

 They keep mistresses Old and young

In luxurious flats in overseas countries

The money with which wives are pacified

Weighed down in gold and flashy cars

And expensive clothes

The money with which they pay for quality education

for their children

In countries with good roads and good schools

The money with which they buy more power

And steal more money

All the while telling me that I do not count

At least not to them

‘I do count’ I said ‘I do count’

My hopes will no more be trampled on

Nor will my rights be stolen

Because I do count

I will tear down your machinery of corruption I said

Because I do count

I will take back my country I said

Because I do count

I will take the reins from your hands I said

Because I do count

I will take the country for myself I said and for the others

The other drops of water who make up this ocean

I will take it back for us and for our children

For the ones who will build it

For the ones who will no more slave for meagre fares

Who will no more leave you to take the cake

While we struggle for the crumbs

I will take my country back I said

I will make myself count I said

And the first thing I will do I said

Will be to cast my vote.

You kissed me but your lips were cold

You kissed me but your lips were cold
You held me but not in your heart
You touched me but not with your love
You said you loved me but I could
See the lie clearly in your eyes

Did you love me when you could not
Look in my eyes and lied because
The truth was hard, too hard to tell
Did you love me when you acted
As if you were the love you knew
I had longed for with my whole being

You stroked my hair even while your mind
Wandered to other things you’d rather do
You shared your dreams but not with me
You spoke your mind but not to me
You loved someone but it wasn’t me

You could not love me as I am
You kissed me but your lips were cold
You said you loved me but I could
See the lie clearly in your eyes

This is Me

This is me, this is who i am
I am the girl who is in love with beauty
The one who gets lost in the lyrics of a song
Or in the words of a play
I am the girl who smiles whenever she sees a full moon
I am the girl who closes her eyes when she dances
And in her head sees the world the way she’d like it to be
Beautiful, exotic and full of laughter
I am the girl who falls in love with the simple things about you
The quirks in your character
The way you frown when you concentrate
The inflection in your voice when you start to say something
You think may be funny but you’re not quite sure
I am the girl who loves the oddities
The things others find ridiculous
I am the girl nobody understands
The girl who doesn’t understand herself
I am the girl who wants to fly over mountains
To swim in the deepest parts of the sea
To explore the many dimensions of life
To be a queen, a goddess
To go everywhere and see everything
I am the girl who still wonders who I am
And has no idea what I want to be.

My Strength

This is a song. At first I wanted to write a poem based on leaves...but this song just came out.

It's just a leaf
grown old
and tired on the tree
Its just a leaf
gone brown
and too weak to keep
holding on
so why oh why
does it
remind me of me

How can I find the strength
to keep holding on
when I'm tired of the pain
the sadness and the tears
where do I find the will
to keep my head held high
I'll look to you, my Lord

You are my strength
you are my strength
you are my strength
you are my strength
Oh Lord you are my strength

Sometimes I feel
so weak
reluctant to go on
Sometime life feels
so cold
it's like  no one cares
about me
and then just then
you show me
how much I mean to you

In you I find the strength
to keep holding on
when I'm tired of the pain
the sadness and the tears
In you I find the will
to keep my head held high
I'll look to you, my Lord

You are my strength
you are my strength
you are my strength
you are my strength

Oh Lord you are my strength

I am Beautiful and I Know

You can't break my stride

you can't bring me down

you can't make me cry

because I'm beautiful and I know

you cant tear me down

you cant take my smile

you cant break my heart

because I'm beautiful and I know

so when you try

to make it all about you

and try prove to me

that the world is

more yours than mine

that's when I'll show you

that

you cant break my spine

you cant stop my flow

you cant count me out

because I'm beautiful and I know

you cant take me back

you cant send me out

you cant stop my shine

because I'm beautiful and I know

I'll always know.

Life Interrupts

I want to find you in the day and in the night
I want to find you in the sun and in the rain
I want to find you in the sky and in the clouds
But life keeps on interrupting me.

I want to find you in my neighbour’s eyes
I want to find you in the children’s laugh
I want to find you in the music of my heart
But life keeps on interrupting me.

I want to find you in song and in dance
I want to find you in the stillness of the night
I want to find you in the loves that I have loved
But life keeps on interrupting me.

I want to find you in the lights that change the night
I want to find you in the inside of my heart
I want to find you in the comfort of your words
But life keeps on interrupting me.

I want to find you in the words I read and the songs I hear
I want to find you in the comforting words that fill my ear
I want to find you in the things my hands have made
But life keeps on interrupting me.

I want to find you in noisy days and in quiet times
I want to find you in happy days and in sad times
I want to find you every day and every night
But life keeps on interrupting me

I want to find you in your image and your likeness
I want to find you in calm water and angry waves
I want to find you in love and laughter in tears and joy
But life keeps on interrupting me.

And try as I might
I cant seem to find
The time to praise you
The time to dance
As David Danced.

Believe In Love Again

I have never liked getting hurt
My heart is as tender
As a single thread on a spider’s web
It breaks easily

I have lived long enough
and seen enough
For it to seem
That all love does is hurt

I watched as people fell in love
Deeply and passionately
And offered comfort when they were hurt
Broken and rejected
As each year rolled by
Love robbed me of my illusions
And that’s why I chose
To turn my back on love

So I closed up my heart
And built up my defenses
And Whenever love beckoned
I told myself
That it was really something else
I reconciled myself
To a life without love
And made my plans
To go it alone
To close my eyes
To loneliness
But you make me want
To believe in love again

You came into my life
Unexpected, uninvited
You stole into my heart
Like a shadow, a ghost
You came around
And you showed me
With your words and your actions
That everything about you
Was not what I had come to expect
You showed me
What love was really about
And you’ve made me
Come to believe
In love again

Untitled

I almost forgot I wrote this one... my almost forgotten poem

I have lost track of time
It speeds along
Past me
Day after day
Like a train
That I have missed
Taking away my hopes, my dreams
And the people I love
While I linger
Helpless
Like a stone
Dropping
To the depths of the sea
With no hope
That I’ll see you
My sky, ever again

When did I start to look and not see
To hear and not listen
When did you become a blur
At the fringes of my life
You who used to be the point
Like the sun
Around which
My whole existence
Revolved
When did my priorities start to change
When did day and night
Become work and sleep
And time became deadlines
And deliverables
When money became a god
And you were reduced
To a landmark
A sign post
Here only to show me
Where to lay my head to sleep
A cook only
To prepare the meals
I was too tired to eat
A nurse only
To take care of the children
I hardly ever saw

When did I turn my back to life
Only to embrace a trap
A trap I walked into
Willingly
Five to nine
Everyday

At first I strove
To fulfil your dreams
Don’t you remember
How proud I was
To give you the keys
Of a brand new car
That trip to France
I knew you wanted
At first my reward
Was in the sight of your dimples
Like elves
Dancing in your cheeks
When you smiled with pleasure
As I came home with another gift
For you, my queen

When did things change
When did the number of zeroes
I could put on a cheque
Start to mean more
Than your lovely smile
When did the next deal
The next huge hit
Become more precious
Than the sight of you
Cradling our child
When did I become the man
To whom your pleas
Meant nothing more
Than foolish complaints
Your tears nothing more
Than the fretting
Of one who just
Could not understand
I used to long for the moments
When I would play with the children
After I’d rushed home from work
The moments spent showing you
How much every inch of you
Still meant to me
But that was before
Before I fell
Before I was sucked
Into this vortex
Where the love of money
Inevitably pulls
All those who chase it

I have been afraid
Before
Afraid of the dark
Of not passing exams
Afraid of not being good enough for you
Afraid that you would not marry me
I have been afraid of being poor
Of losing my job
Of ceasing to matter
Afraid of coming home
And finding you gone
Now all I am afraid of is this
That you will never come back to me

Everything that stole me
Away from you
Is now gone
The job is gone
With much of my pride
And my ego
All I have now
Is a heart
Mine
It lies here
Bruised
Where you left it
Rejected
I am not asking why
Because I know why
I am only saying
That now
I am prepared
To work overtime
This time
I will make it up
For slacking off
All these years

I don’t care where you’ve been
Or what you’ve done
My crimes have already
Put yours to shame
If you can forgive me everything
I will forgive you anything

Love Destroys me

Love destroys me whenever it finds me

Love pulls me up and throws me down

Love leaves me shattered and confused

Love beats me down and runs me over

And I never know what’s happening

Love finds me and then I’m lost

In a sea of confusion, a web of anguish

Love hurts me and comforts me

Slices me open and leaves me raw

Love wounds me yet I can never get enough.

Love turns my blood to fire and ice

Makes me hot and cold at once

Love makes me anxious and then delights me

Love takes my breath away and makes my heart swell

Sometimes with joy but mostly with pain

Love comes to me when I least expect

I never see it coming

I never know it’s here

Love leaves me empty and only then

Do I realise what has gone by

Love comes to me in many ways

Love disguises, I never recognise it

Love eludes me because I never know

Who came calling when love goes by

The Unfavoured Child

The sun has refused to shine
on my life; all i see
is blackness.
The songs i hear
The music, the laughter
cannot lift my heart
its load is too great.
I lift my face to the wind
to feel it caress my skin
I cannot feel it
it has gone the other way.
There are no soft rain drops
to soothe my face
only a muddy storm
to drown me; and defeat me
I am not cursed
I have not transgressed
my only sin is that
of the unfavoured child.

Strip me bare

Strip me bare

And expose my flaws

Peel off the layers

In which I have hidden myself

And when my heart is plain to see

See how it beats

Only for you

This Dark Place

Helplessly I follow a memory

How long will this be my failing?

See how you strip me of my pride

When with your distance you torment me

How far away you are from me

And yet around me everywhere

Your voice so close, just by my ear

And you, coming and going, just out of reach

Memories turn to ashes, each one

Dust and ashes settling at my feet

When the last one falls I will lose you

And even in my mind, be unable to have you

What have you to say then, to me?

What words have you to console me?

As I languish in this dark place

This dark place where I have lacked you

I Want A White Dress

I want a white dress

Long and pretty

With a tiny waist

And Beads and sequins

Yards of lace and satin

And a long train

I want it made specially, for me

I want it to fit like a glove

I want it to flatter my figure

And enhance my assets

I want it beautiful

As I will be

When I wear it

I want my dress to fit me perfectly

Even though I am not perfect

I want to marry in this dress

So I won’t wear it

Until I find the man

Who is as perfect for me

As my white dress

Forget

I want you to forget

Forget the smoothness of their skin

And how good it felt

When you touched them

Forget the scent of their hair, their perfume

Forget the softness of their lips

The sweetness of their voice, their laughter

And the beauty of their smile

Forget how perfect they were

In their clothes or out of them

Forget how smart, How pretty

How funny, they were

Forget everything about them

Forget, So that when you are silent

I would know for sure

That you do not long

For some happy moment

In your past

Spent with them

Of which I know nothing

I need you to forget

Forget the places you went with them

How you held hands

And wished it would never end

Forget about the times

When you made love to them

How passionate it was

How pleasurable, how perfect

Forget how your friends liked them

Even your friends must forget them too

Forget everything about them

So you can be truly, totally mine

You will become like a virgin

And then I’ll be your first love

Your last love, your only love

Anchor

You are my anchor
You hold me firmly in place
Without you, I'd drift
Into stormy seas
And be tossed about
By waves; and destroyed
You are my anchor
You keep me safe

You are my anchor
Because of you I remain
In the one place
Where I'm safest
I don't go about
To see new places or things
You are my anchor
You keep me safe

You are my anchor
I will not move from here
As long as you stay
With me; I will not
Find out all about
The rest of the world
You are my anchor
You keep me safe

Disappear

And here you are
Again
With the smile I love
On your face
How I hate that you're so kind
And so good
When with that smile
You win me over
All over again
And then I forget
That I should not
Love you
At all

Now I'm hurt again
And though I know
It's not your fault
I wish
You would just
Disappear
Why won't you just
Disappear
I can't fall out
Of love with you
If you dont
Disappear

And when you start
To tell me
How I'm the best
You ever had
As a friend
And then tell me
How she's all
You ever wanted
In a woman
My heart breaks
Under the weight
Of your words
Can't you see the pieces
Scattered
Around my feet

Home of My Youth

I long still yet for the home of my youth
The vast lands of my happy childhood days
The soft green fields where I blissfully played
And slept soundly even as time slipped by

The sweet smells of food cooked for my pleasure
The sweetness of fruit plucked straight from the tree
The sound of the breeze moving through the leaves
Of flowers my mother had planted there

The wink of glow worms in the cool dark night
The chirp of the birds in the early morn
The sight of the moon through my window glass
The laughter of those who truly loved me

I did not know then that one day I'd long
For the sweet places of my youthful years
Powerless to return I stay and yearn
For the loving home from which life stole m

And So It Ends

I cry, shout
I ask you to leave
And never come back
The door slams
Behind you
As you go
Is this the end?
Right now
I don’t care

I watch
As you walk away
You don’t look back
Not even once

I wait
For a call
Or a text
A message
On my wall
Another apology
I can furiously reject

But you don’t try
You don’t call
You don’t stand by my window
Waiting for a glimpse of me
You don’t wait outside my door
Hoping to talk to me
You don’t haunt my favourite spots
Hoping to run into me
You don’t call my friends
Asking them to help you
Make me love you again
The things you don’t do
Are much more painful
Than what you have done
Before

I am still angry
I’d slam the door
In your face
If you came around
But how I long
For you to come around

So I wait
Till waiting turns to longing
And to sadness
I wait and wait
But you’re done
You’re done
With I’m sorry
With proving how much
You do love me
In fact it seems
You’re done with me.

Reply to "And so it ends" by Tolu Akinyemi

You cried, I was calm
But cried in my heart
You asked me to leave
I did leave
The door slammed
In my face
Like a gunshot in my brains
I did leave
My head up held high
But my Heart crushed down

I walked away
I hoped you'll call me back
Though with assails
(To safe your face)
you didn’t
I walked away
Feeling the holes
Your eyes bored in my back
As you peered from behind
The window blinds
Baptized in your tears
You did not call me back
As each step I took
took me away from you
I choked like grains
in the mouth
of a ten-day old
As lumps formed in my throat
My heart turned back,
but my pride held back

Twice a day
At dawn and its tail
I dialled your line,
but my pride always won

I have confessions-
Unsent.
Emails and messages for your wall
All unsent-
The backspace always won

But now-
My heart has lost its hue
And my days are in greyscale
Now I know
Folly is a man
That bears my name
What guns won't
What wars won’t
Pride would take
I might not do all
to get what I want
but I should have done all
to keep what I got
To my ego
I lost the only pearl
I ever found
I can ever find
on that day I walked away
when I thought with my feet

but now-
I'm coming back
to the only home
I've always known
I only hope
you still stand
by that door
that once slammed
in my face
shutting daylight
from my day
I hope you still wait
Though with venom on your lips
but with love in your limbs
that when I’ve humbly bathed
in the rain of your wrath
I eventually get squashed
In your warm heavenly embrace

Yes-
Yes, I'm done
WIth saying I'm sorry,
Now I'll stay sorry
Yes, I'm done
With proving how much
I do love you
Now I'll prove
To love you is all,
The only thing I can do

And so it ends
our loving forth and back
like a twig in the tides
And so it end
Door slammings
and thinking with my legs
And so it all ends
For this is the last time
I'll ever have to say
I'M SORRY

Do Not Come To Me

Do not come to me with a heart that is so easily broken
I do not know how to be careful with it
I may not hold it safe or keep it from harm
Not because I do not want to, not because I do not care
But because I do not know how not to hurt
Even those I love the most

I come to you with a heart that cannot be reached
Because I keep it carefully locked away
If it is not touched, it cannot be broken
Because I cannot bear it, I will not bear it
The pain that must come if my heart is bruised
Even by you whom I love the most

Melancholy

Is there a kind of melancholy
Masked by smiles
A happiness that’s always sad inside
A heart that’s filled with sorrow
A voice that’s filled with laughter
A face that masks carefully
All the pain inside
Behind the laughter in the daylight
Are the tears at night
Behind the smiling eyes
Deep in the sad heart
Is a gaping aching hole

Our Lagos

My Lagos is not your Lagos
Yet our Lagos is the same
My Lagos is not your Lagos
Even though the sky burns
With the same yellow sun
and the same white clouds
Dance across the blue background
It is the same Lagos
And yet it is different
My Lagos of endless commute
Traffic jams and uncomfortable buses
Monotonous work and poor reward
Is not the same as your Lagos
With your posh cars and
Beautiful flat on the island
Of boat rides to Takwa bay on weekends
Or plane rides to Abuja or PH
To relax in big mansions
My Lagos of noisy nightclubs
Where rich white expatriates
Have their pick of shameless damsels
Or maybe just poor and hungry girls
Whose only career is to sleep their way
Into affluence and plenty
Is not the same as your Lagos
Of the sandy Kuramo beach
Where in the dark of the night
Amid the empty beer bottles and other debris
Strewn along the sands
People engage in the oldest exchange
Sex for money, money for sex
Thirteen year old babies
With scarcely developed breasts
Sell themselves for the price of
A bottle of beer or a new shirt

Lagos is a myriad of different lives
Yet it is the same Lagos
Different views and yet one landscape
My Lagos is not your Lagos
Yet our Lagos is one Lagos

Sorrow

Fierce whispers in the dark of my soul
Feed the flames of growing woe
Waves of sorrow surge and grow
Drowning me in pain and despair
Can this life offer anything more
Than never ending packages of pain and despair
Souls scarred, lives singed
Blood spilled and hope destroyed
But pain is not over
Neither is death satisfied
Pain continues to seek (and find)
New ways to inflict itself
On all our tomorrows

Growing

I am standing, arms outstretched
Eyes wide open to see, to feel
All that lies ahead
I am standing at the edge
About to step into the life
That’s waiting for me
I am at the edge of my girlhood
About to enter the next stage
My life as a woman
I am eager, yet afraid
So many changes ahead
Responsibilities to carry
Dreams and ideals I have to fulfil
Being responsible, not only for myself
But for others, for my decisions
And for the consequences of my actions
Knowing when to change the things I do not like
And when to accept the things I cannot change
Learning to give of myself and from my heart
Learning to forget the loves of a girl
The love of unattainable ideals
Unrealistic expectations and undue adoration
And instead love the love that accepts and
Sacrifices. Gives fully and unconditionally
And lasts for more than a lifetime
The love of a woman

If You Love Me Tell Me So

If you love me tell me so
And if you don’t tell me as well
I don’t want to float in this river of uncertainty
Unsure if by tomorrow you’ll be here or gone

I don’t want vague answers
Or unrealistic promises
I want to know if I’m the one
You really want to be with

I don’t want excuses
And I don’t want silence
I want to know the truth
Do you love me or do you not

Because if you don’t
I will cry and then I’ll stop
My heart will break but not so much
That it can’t be mended

Don’t lie to me or keep me hopeful
And then hurt me when I least expect it
Because then the damage will be too great
I’ll never heal and I’ll never forgive

Love me for just One Day

Love me for just one day
Because I’ve loved you fro so long
Love me for just one day
So that my love won’t be in vain
Let me look into your eyes
And see in them the same fire
That burns in mine
Let your soul burn
With the desire
Just to be with me
Let your hand tremble
At the thought of touching me
Let you whole being hunger for the moment
When I’ll be in your arms
Let my touch set you on fire
My gaze, fill you with desire
Let my voice hold you captive
And my laughter, enthrall you
For that one day
Let me bewitch you
As you have done me
With your eyes and your lips
And your voice and your kiss
Love me as I love you
And I will ask no more of you

My Dear Anonymous

My dear Anonymous
Anonymous because
only you need know who you are, for now
and only you need know how you make me feel, for now
My darling Anonymous
the source of all my secret smiles
is the thought of you
the passionate tremble of my heart
is due to you
My darling Anonymous
I hold your hand in mine
to feel contentment
I look into your eyes
and I recognise my mate
My heart and my love and
all my affection, I offer you
my darling Anonymous
Is it so surprising
that my mind is filled with thoughts of you
that I smile when you are happy with me
and feel bubbles rising inside
my dear anonymous
your anger feels like a dent in my soul
I need your smile to live
your love to survive
Cant you see how I miss your company
your love and your laughter
when you are not by my side
My dear darling Anonymous
I want to live only for you
for me that will be a life with meaning
My dear dear anonymous
only you need know who you are
and I know that it is you
because it could only be you
My dear Anonymous

Tell Me

Tell me that my eyes do shine like stars
and that my face belies the moons claim
that she is the most fair
Tell me that my voice is the sweetest melody
that you ever did hear
sweeter than the song of the nightingale
or the lark
Tell me that my touch is like the soft caress
of a thousand silken scarfs
upon your skin
Tell me my love, tell me more
Tell me of the love
that leaves you speechless
when your eyes fall upon my face
Tell me with a song Tell me with a kiss
Tell me with a touch and a caress
Tell me with all the love you feel
Come my love and tell me.

An African Child

I am an African child
though I don't know if I may call myself one
I have never been to a farm
much less carried a cutlass
I have never tried to trap a rabbit
and I have never caught one
I do not have beads tied around my waist
or tribal marks etched on my face
I have never been painted with white chalk
and I have never danced at a native festival
but still I am an African child
born of a father whose fathers
carried cutlasses,trapped rabbits, wore beads
they had tribal marks on their faces
they danced at the festivals of the gods
and they felt the imprint of native chalk
on their skin
they were African children
but they were of a different Africa
an Africa that we will never see again.

A Child

I am a child but i have a mind
it might not be on par with yours
but it still is a mind
you seem to think that as i am a child
i ought to be led like a mule
yielding, unresisting
but i am not a mule
and so, not to be treated like one
i might be a child but i have a mind
let me take some steps by myself
how else shall i learn to choose for myself
i might make mistakes
but with you here to guide me
they will become fewer
please do not cast me
in a mold you have chosen
let me have a choice
i might be a child
but still, i have a mind.