I Want A White Dress

I want a white dress

Long and pretty

With a tiny waist

And Beads and sequins

Yards of lace and satin

And a long train

I want it made specially, for me

I want it to fit like a glove

I want it to flatter my figure

And enhance my assets

I want it beautiful

As I will be

When I wear it

I want my dress to fit me perfectly

Even though I am not perfect

I want to marry in this dress

So I won’t wear it

Until I find the man

Who is as perfect for me

As my white dress

Forget

I want you to forget

Forget the smoothness of their skin

And how good it felt

When you touched them

Forget the scent of their hair, their perfume

Forget the softness of their lips

The sweetness of their voice, their laughter

And the beauty of their smile

Forget how perfect they were

In their clothes or out of them

Forget how smart, How pretty

How funny, they were

Forget everything about them

Forget, So that when you are silent

I would know for sure

That you do not long

For some happy moment

In your past

Spent with them

Of which I know nothing

I need you to forget

Forget the places you went with them

How you held hands

And wished it would never end

Forget about the times

When you made love to them

How passionate it was

How pleasurable, how perfect

Forget how your friends liked them

Even your friends must forget them too

Forget everything about them

So you can be truly, totally mine

You will become like a virgin

And then I’ll be your first love

Your last love, your only love

Anchor

You are my anchor
You hold me firmly in place
Without you, I'd drift
Into stormy seas
And be tossed about
By waves; and destroyed
You are my anchor
You keep me safe

You are my anchor
Because of you I remain
In the one place
Where I'm safest
I don't go about
To see new places or things
You are my anchor
You keep me safe

You are my anchor
I will not move from here
As long as you stay
With me; I will not
Find out all about
The rest of the world
You are my anchor
You keep me safe

Disappear

And here you are
Again
With the smile I love
On your face
How I hate that you're so kind
And so good
When with that smile
You win me over
All over again
And then I forget
That I should not
Love you
At all

Now I'm hurt again
And though I know
It's not your fault
I wish
You would just
Disappear
Why won't you just
Disappear
I can't fall out
Of love with you
If you dont
Disappear

And when you start
To tell me
How I'm the best
You ever had
As a friend
And then tell me
How she's all
You ever wanted
In a woman
My heart breaks
Under the weight
Of your words
Can't you see the pieces
Scattered
Around my feet

Home of My Youth

I long still yet for the home of my youth
The vast lands of my happy childhood days
The soft green fields where I blissfully played
And slept soundly even as time slipped by

The sweet smells of food cooked for my pleasure
The sweetness of fruit plucked straight from the tree
The sound of the breeze moving through the leaves
Of flowers my mother had planted there

The wink of glow worms in the cool dark night
The chirp of the birds in the early morn
The sight of the moon through my window glass
The laughter of those who truly loved me

I did not know then that one day I'd long
For the sweet places of my youthful years
Powerless to return I stay and yearn
For the loving home from which life stole m

And So It Ends

I cry, shout
I ask you to leave
And never come back
The door slams
Behind you
As you go
Is this the end?
Right now
I don’t care

I watch
As you walk away
You don’t look back
Not even once

I wait
For a call
Or a text
A message
On my wall
Another apology
I can furiously reject

But you don’t try
You don’t call
You don’t stand by my window
Waiting for a glimpse of me
You don’t wait outside my door
Hoping to talk to me
You don’t haunt my favourite spots
Hoping to run into me
You don’t call my friends
Asking them to help you
Make me love you again
The things you don’t do
Are much more painful
Than what you have done
Before

I am still angry
I’d slam the door
In your face
If you came around
But how I long
For you to come around

So I wait
Till waiting turns to longing
And to sadness
I wait and wait
But you’re done
You’re done
With I’m sorry
With proving how much
You do love me
In fact it seems
You’re done with me.

Reply to "And so it ends" by Tolu Akinyemi

You cried, I was calm
But cried in my heart
You asked me to leave
I did leave
The door slammed
In my face
Like a gunshot in my brains
I did leave
My head up held high
But my Heart crushed down

I walked away
I hoped you'll call me back
Though with assails
(To safe your face)
you didn’t
I walked away
Feeling the holes
Your eyes bored in my back
As you peered from behind
The window blinds
Baptized in your tears
You did not call me back
As each step I took
took me away from you
I choked like grains
in the mouth
of a ten-day old
As lumps formed in my throat
My heart turned back,
but my pride held back

Twice a day
At dawn and its tail
I dialled your line,
but my pride always won

I have confessions-
Unsent.
Emails and messages for your wall
All unsent-
The backspace always won

But now-
My heart has lost its hue
And my days are in greyscale
Now I know
Folly is a man
That bears my name
What guns won't
What wars won’t
Pride would take
I might not do all
to get what I want
but I should have done all
to keep what I got
To my ego
I lost the only pearl
I ever found
I can ever find
on that day I walked away
when I thought with my feet

but now-
I'm coming back
to the only home
I've always known
I only hope
you still stand
by that door
that once slammed
in my face
shutting daylight
from my day
I hope you still wait
Though with venom on your lips
but with love in your limbs
that when I’ve humbly bathed
in the rain of your wrath
I eventually get squashed
In your warm heavenly embrace

Yes-
Yes, I'm done
WIth saying I'm sorry,
Now I'll stay sorry
Yes, I'm done
With proving how much
I do love you
Now I'll prove
To love you is all,
The only thing I can do

And so it ends
our loving forth and back
like a twig in the tides
And so it end
Door slammings
and thinking with my legs
And so it all ends
For this is the last time
I'll ever have to say
I'M SORRY

Do Not Come To Me

Do not come to me with a heart that is so easily broken
I do not know how to be careful with it
I may not hold it safe or keep it from harm
Not because I do not want to, not because I do not care
But because I do not know how not to hurt
Even those I love the most

I come to you with a heart that cannot be reached
Because I keep it carefully locked away
If it is not touched, it cannot be broken
Because I cannot bear it, I will not bear it
The pain that must come if my heart is bruised
Even by you whom I love the most

Melancholy

Is there a kind of melancholy
Masked by smiles
A happiness that’s always sad inside
A heart that’s filled with sorrow
A voice that’s filled with laughter
A face that masks carefully
All the pain inside
Behind the laughter in the daylight
Are the tears at night
Behind the smiling eyes
Deep in the sad heart
Is a gaping aching hole

Our Lagos

My Lagos is not your Lagos
Yet our Lagos is the same
My Lagos is not your Lagos
Even though the sky burns
With the same yellow sun
and the same white clouds
Dance across the blue background
It is the same Lagos
And yet it is different
My Lagos of endless commute
Traffic jams and uncomfortable buses
Monotonous work and poor reward
Is not the same as your Lagos
With your posh cars and
Beautiful flat on the island
Of boat rides to Takwa bay on weekends
Or plane rides to Abuja or PH
To relax in big mansions
My Lagos of noisy nightclubs
Where rich white expatriates
Have their pick of shameless damsels
Or maybe just poor and hungry girls
Whose only career is to sleep their way
Into affluence and plenty
Is not the same as your Lagos
Of the sandy Kuramo beach
Where in the dark of the night
Amid the empty beer bottles and other debris
Strewn along the sands
People engage in the oldest exchange
Sex for money, money for sex
Thirteen year old babies
With scarcely developed breasts
Sell themselves for the price of
A bottle of beer or a new shirt

Lagos is a myriad of different lives
Yet it is the same Lagos
Different views and yet one landscape
My Lagos is not your Lagos
Yet our Lagos is one Lagos

Sorrow

Fierce whispers in the dark of my soul
Feed the flames of growing woe
Waves of sorrow surge and grow
Drowning me in pain and despair
Can this life offer anything more
Than never ending packages of pain and despair
Souls scarred, lives singed
Blood spilled and hope destroyed
But pain is not over
Neither is death satisfied
Pain continues to seek (and find)
New ways to inflict itself
On all our tomorrows

Growing

I am standing, arms outstretched
Eyes wide open to see, to feel
All that lies ahead
I am standing at the edge
About to step into the life
That’s waiting for me
I am at the edge of my girlhood
About to enter the next stage
My life as a woman
I am eager, yet afraid
So many changes ahead
Responsibilities to carry
Dreams and ideals I have to fulfil
Being responsible, not only for myself
But for others, for my decisions
And for the consequences of my actions
Knowing when to change the things I do not like
And when to accept the things I cannot change
Learning to give of myself and from my heart
Learning to forget the loves of a girl
The love of unattainable ideals
Unrealistic expectations and undue adoration
And instead love the love that accepts and
Sacrifices. Gives fully and unconditionally
And lasts for more than a lifetime
The love of a woman

If You Love Me Tell Me So

If you love me tell me so
And if you don’t tell me as well
I don’t want to float in this river of uncertainty
Unsure if by tomorrow you’ll be here or gone

I don’t want vague answers
Or unrealistic promises
I want to know if I’m the one
You really want to be with

I don’t want excuses
And I don’t want silence
I want to know the truth
Do you love me or do you not

Because if you don’t
I will cry and then I’ll stop
My heart will break but not so much
That it can’t be mended

Don’t lie to me or keep me hopeful
And then hurt me when I least expect it
Because then the damage will be too great
I’ll never heal and I’ll never forgive

Love me for just One Day

Love me for just one day
Because I’ve loved you fro so long
Love me for just one day
So that my love won’t be in vain
Let me look into your eyes
And see in them the same fire
That burns in mine
Let your soul burn
With the desire
Just to be with me
Let your hand tremble
At the thought of touching me
Let you whole being hunger for the moment
When I’ll be in your arms
Let my touch set you on fire
My gaze, fill you with desire
Let my voice hold you captive
And my laughter, enthrall you
For that one day
Let me bewitch you
As you have done me
With your eyes and your lips
And your voice and your kiss
Love me as I love you
And I will ask no more of you

My Dear Anonymous

My dear Anonymous
Anonymous because
only you need know who you are, for now
and only you need know how you make me feel, for now
My darling Anonymous
the source of all my secret smiles
is the thought of you
the passionate tremble of my heart
is due to you
My darling Anonymous
I hold your hand in mine
to feel contentment
I look into your eyes
and I recognise my mate
My heart and my love and
all my affection, I offer you
my darling Anonymous
Is it so surprising
that my mind is filled with thoughts of you
that I smile when you are happy with me
and feel bubbles rising inside
my dear anonymous
your anger feels like a dent in my soul
I need your smile to live
your love to survive
Cant you see how I miss your company
your love and your laughter
when you are not by my side
My dear darling Anonymous
I want to live only for you
for me that will be a life with meaning
My dear dear anonymous
only you need know who you are
and I know that it is you
because it could only be you
My dear Anonymous

Tell Me

Tell me that my eyes do shine like stars
and that my face belies the moons claim
that she is the most fair
Tell me that my voice is the sweetest melody
that you ever did hear
sweeter than the song of the nightingale
or the lark
Tell me that my touch is like the soft caress
of a thousand silken scarfs
upon your skin
Tell me my love, tell me more
Tell me of the love
that leaves you speechless
when your eyes fall upon my face
Tell me with a song Tell me with a kiss
Tell me with a touch and a caress
Tell me with all the love you feel
Come my love and tell me.

An African Child

I am an African child
though I don't know if I may call myself one
I have never been to a farm
much less carried a cutlass
I have never tried to trap a rabbit
and I have never caught one
I do not have beads tied around my waist
or tribal marks etched on my face
I have never been painted with white chalk
and I have never danced at a native festival
but still I am an African child
born of a father whose fathers
carried cutlasses,trapped rabbits, wore beads
they had tribal marks on their faces
they danced at the festivals of the gods
and they felt the imprint of native chalk
on their skin
they were African children
but they were of a different Africa
an Africa that we will never see again.

A Child

I am a child but i have a mind
it might not be on par with yours
but it still is a mind
you seem to think that as i am a child
i ought to be led like a mule
yielding, unresisting
but i am not a mule
and so, not to be treated like one
i might be a child but i have a mind
let me take some steps by myself
how else shall i learn to choose for myself
i might make mistakes
but with you here to guide me
they will become fewer
please do not cast me
in a mold you have chosen
let me have a choice
i might be a child
but still, i have a mind.